Birth plan at 38 weeks: We don’t really have a plan, per se. However the baby decides to get from my tummy to my arms is just fine with us. We really are open to anything and just want to go with the flow. Baby and I are happy and healthy. Since there have been zero complications during this pregnancy we anticipate all will go smoothly in due time but are ready to deal with issues as they arise. 

• Patience: high
• Nerves: low
• Excitement: increasing

Birth plan at 39 weeks: Issue arose. Okay. You now have a very definitive plan.  Csection scheduled. Exit method known.  Baby on Monday. We are so ready. Go.

• Patience: low
• Nerves: low
• Excitement: off the charts

Birth plan at 40 weeks: Yayyyy baby in 20 minutes!!!! 

Stop. 

Everything about that 39-week plan was a huge joke. Now rearrange everything you thought and felt and get back into 38 week gear immediately. No, immediately. No time for breathing, what are you doing. This is everything you wanted right. This is a good thing right. This is the way it should be. Chatter chatter chatter. Not listening not listening. Everyone is wrong. Everything is annoying.

• Patience: negative – as in anti-patience – as in best to just steer clear of me
• Nerves: about what? – exasperated
• Excitement: about what? – exasperated

I just spared you a novel. 

Birth plan at 40 weeks & 2 days: …What just happened?… Pretty sure I blacked out. 

Breathe. Hit refresh. Restart. Re-stabilize. Readjust everything. Re-embrace the big picture. Regain energy. Slowly but surely re-establish the positive attitude and laid back nature of week 38. Breathe. 

• Patience: minimal but existent 
• Nerves: low
• Excitement: increasing…

I’ll be happy when the birth ‘plans’ become a birth story…. with an official beginning instead of ridiculous attempts at hypothetical ones. 

Until then… I’ll be over in a corner working on my thumb-twiddling.

Unbirthday photo:  

____ ____ Hess. Not born on 7/20/15