Fruit/Veg/Edibles/Puppy?: Spaghetti squash & Small pumpkin. I’m promoting myself to med/lg pumpkin, but otherwise these get my stamp of veg approval.

Bi-weekly weight gain: 2.2 lbs

Total weight gain: 26 lbs

I can be found eating:  Primarily from these food groups:

• Fruit
• Pizza
• Chocolate
• Mayonnaise-based salads
• Cheese and cheese-covered anything

Aversions: Simply put – waiting. These have been the two longest weeks of my life…she said without a shred of doubt and every bit of sincerity that she could muster – the longest, slowest weeks.

Movement/bumps/thumps/lumps/shmumps: I would say movement amount was pretty standard (so lots) going into last night when baby decided to step it up and actually teach jazzercize at the dinner table following our cheesy chicken enchiladas (food category: cheese-covered anything). Back to the jazzercize. Punching, fist-pumping, head-butting, waving and full-on flailing for a solid 15-20 minutes. It was the purest of pregtertainment. Baby must just be SO EXCITED to come out because it was quite the celebratory jig!

Maternity style: Maxis to the max and one pair of denim shorts. We’re working with a pretty small number of bottoms in rotation matched with ribbed tanks mostly and a few tshirts. I’m real pregnant and I really couldn’t care less what I look like at this point as long as I’m covered and not drenched in sweat. Just kidding – all of that is impossible. I just don’t care. Welcome to the last month of pregnancy where your everyday simple pleasures are thrown out the window and replaced with more impatience than you’ve ever experienced.

How do I feel?: The answer of the week has been ‘Great. Too great.’ Because great means birth is still light years away. One of the most bizarre aspects of having a baby is the intense desire in these weeks to be in the most excruciating pain. You are begging your body to show any sign of increasing discomfort. But even more than that you are praying to go through hell.  You can’t wait to be essentially tortured. It is SO messed up!  But besides the desire to be in pain – I’ve felt nothing. Not a squeeze, not a cramp… Nothing but mind games.

And the category we’ve all been waiting for…

Status of the bump: 

Looks like this!

Little belly button peekaboo action for you!

The full scoop… Ready?! Are you even readyyyy. Probably not. Here goes.

I went in for my 39wk appt and was measuring small. My response- ‘scuse me, what?!’ Smaller than I had been and smaller than I should be. The midwife ordered an ultrasound to check on the baby’s size and growth. Perhaps it was just positional (most likely in my mind), and the baby’s back was just lying along mine or I just have a small baby (fine by me so long as s/he’s healthy!), or it could be other more serious issues that she explained very well but don’t matter because (spoiler alert) they weren’t the case. So off we go for our ultrasound to get some more info and check out the whole sitchy-ation.

Ultrasound tech: ‘Why are you here again? Size < dates? No way. It’s an approximation but your baby is like 8 pounds already’

?

Welp, no issues with growth!! And she made an unprompted comment on the baby’s large squash. We snickered.  A Hess indeed.

Ultrasound tech: ‘…but I guess they left the bomb for me to drop. The baby’s breach.’

Mmmmmmm hmmmmm.

Cue some mouth-dropping, blank staring, time standing still and slight glances of confusion. Can’t say it was a boring appt! It took a minute to process and wrap our dumbfounded heads around but after speaking with the on-call midwife, we felt almost completely at peace with the idea of just moving forward with a scheduled c-section. Not that there were many other options on the table, besides trying to manually turn an 8lb baby at 39 weeks… In me… A small person weighing in at… Not a lot. Let’s suffice it to say I was real okay with passing up that opportunity. I’ll have a cesarean please with a side of fries- hold the labor. Please and thank you.

One doctors appointment later to discuss any questions/concerns and we are slated for *drumroll*

Unless our little acrobat/gymnast/cRaZY baby decides to flip flop back into go-time position, or I suddenly start to experience any of the previously prayed for labor signs (now unprayed for) – Baby Hess will be making a very timely, due date appearance on 7/20/15 at 11:30am. 
Are you jumping up and down? Cuz WE ARE!!!!!!

So beyond ready to meet this pumpkin. Like really our house is in tip top shape, everything is set up, cleaned, washed, prepped, in place and readddddy for you little miss/ter. I’d say come out whenever, buttt how bout we just stop with the surprises and see ya Monday. Perfect.

Perfect.

3 days.