Fruit/Veg/Edibles: I use multiple apps for these food comparisons. My fav one that gives me cutesy graphics and fun adjectives failed me these weeks and gave me obscure veggies that defeat the purpose of helping all y’all actually understand the baby’s size… But without further ado. The other app provided: Banana. & Carrot. Lame. But the little one is getting pretty long in there. Maybe we’ll make a human that is tall?!… Probably not.

Weight gain: 2.2 lbs. Lady midwife said about a pound a week. Check.  

Overall weight gain: 6 lbs. 

I can be found eating: Far less crap. Sorry McD, I think we should see other people. My weight gain is back on lady midwifes track. In addition to eating a bit healthier, this week I reached an all time high of crazy and asked the cafeteria deli lady if I could have the extra pickle that the man before me declined. Safe to say we can keep pickles and all things soaked/steeped/covered in vinegary goodness on the list of cravings. I’ve been ordering many egg and chicken salad wraps courtesy of the aforementioned caf deli lady (she’s not a very good wrap wrapper. womp. But she consistently gives me my two pickles so she remains in my good graces until further notice). Cheese (always). Strawberries and Nutella (usually together). And anything that my person chef whips up for me (Ryan, my appetite’s best friend)

Aversions: Welp, I learned this week that the smell of patient trays / hospital food, on top of all the other hospital smells, is just the icing on the grossest cake. Going forward I anticipate doing everything possible to avoid ‘interrupting patients meals’ and it will certainly be more for my sake than theirs. What about the blood, poop, pee, sputum, you ask? That’s all fine by me and carrot-baby. But those weird food smells, man. Those sneak right up on ya. It’s like walking into a wall of fishy, vegetabley mush mixed in with the smell of rubbing alcohol and bodily fluids. Try to conjure that up for yourself.

Movement/kicks/anything?: ***drrrrumrolll*** Baby is on the move!!! It’s so weirrrrd. And cool. And weirrrrd. Would I call it the most amazing feeling ever…. Maybe just not yet. Because in all honesty, the gas that I was so busy attributing significance to for the last month, well ya, it’s been the baby. In summary: it’s really really really cool, but I’m holding out for an identifiable kick to shoot off the real fireworks. It feels like little flippies. Little flip-floppers. Not so much the flutters I was being told to expect. It’s like a stomach rumble with some substance to it. I’m sure I’ll start to get all sappy about this later but for now it’s still a cool little – Wait, yup, baby moved-  In the middle of the day and esp before bed. Once the new/weird factor subsides I’m sure I’ll have more feels to share. 

Maternity style:  I certainly got the opportunity to play around with wardrobe these weeks. See this post for the details of me trying to cover up ze bump with real human clothes for the first week of orientation. Then I got to make the big girl leap into my scrubs for the first time in a year!!! It was more of an, I need to sit to put my pants on kind of ordeal, which is becoming standard morning protocol… But I forgot how wonderful it is to wear pajamas as a mandatory uniform! What will ever be better than that?! I went shopping and bought myself a bunch of new scrubs last week and pretty much just ‘sized up.’  Scrubs are so very forgiving. It’s a serious love affair we have going. Weekend-wear though has consisted of all the fun maternity stuff. 

How do I feel?: Always prepared to nap at a moments notice, but certainly not fatigued beyond function. I need to take little breathers here and there that are noticeable and odd.  It feels strange to have to sit down for a sec after doing simple things like a load of laundry, but I’ve been doing a pretty okay job of listening to the cues and resting when the carrot says so. The littlest aches and pains and changes in balance show up more frequently as little loving reminders from my bod that life is about to change dramatically so start preparing yourself in small ways.. Stat.  

Status of the bump: Small, cute, manageable and not quite obvious. We’re in a place where the people who know there’s a baby in there look immediately at my belly upon hello. And proceed to make their comments about its size, shape, placement on my torso yadda yadda. I feel really good, so all comments/belly rubs/pokes/oohs and aaahs are essentially welcomed and embraced so far. However, if I’m with people who don’t know, the bump is easily overlooked. Or just still at that awkward unacknowledgable phase where I could just have gained 6 lbs of belly weight from… Beer?… Lack of exercise?… And no one will touch or speak of it for fear of being wrong and offending. Smart move humans. We played a fun game on my first day on the floor called ‘She’s pregnant, would you have ever known?!’  The answer being politely ‘no’ even if yes, by all participants (my new coworkers). My preceptor led everyone in the fun. As mentioned, scrubs are exceptionally forgiving and no one would’ve noticed if I hadn’t offered up the info.  And for your weekly #bumppics. 

Sideview = cute little bumpie. Aw, look.

Front view = what? you’re pregnant? Nope. False.

The happies: 

New job. New job. New job.: Now that we’ve got the orientation stuff mainly behind us, it’s all about the real on-the-floor training and after an amazing day 1, I am so looking forward to what lies ahead. It was such a long time coming and I really felt competent and like I will eventually be good at this. All in due time. But talk about a sigh of relief. Phew. This is my new real life and so far I’m so happy that I chose it. 

Thats such a big one… Everything else pales in comparison. More happies and sads next time. Till then here’s some Kenzie bloopers to hold you over. She always always wants in on the photo action — which makes husband wish she had opposable thumbs so she could take his place as patient photographer.